I need you to hear that. I need you to hear that because I may need your help. Help to remind me of this when my kiddo comes to tell on a friend and I choose to brush it off because it’s not a big deal. Because no matter how small it is I need my daughter to know that whenever she does something about a wrong doing, she is doing something right. We can tackle how she does that after but I need her to know that action against wrong is always the way to go. More and more kids are getting bullied and it breaks my heart. I need you to hear that aside from all the other issues that cause bullying, we as parents have a chance to stop it in part by not raising bystanders. We have a chance to raise kids who see someone doing something wrong and DO something about it.
I need you to hear I DON’T WANT to raise a bystander. I want to raise a person who sees the wrong and acts on it.
I want my kids to know that when you see something being done that is clearly wrong, your next move is to do.
For the most part I think we’re programmed to see it and have emotional responses but the action that follows doesn’t always occur. I feel in most instances the route of doing nothing is taken instead.
I don’t want this for my kids. This is the order that I hope happens when my kids witness something wrong:
Ask yourself: Is this wrong? Hurtful? Damaging?
If the answer to any of the above is a “yes.” Then the next questions should be:
“What do I need to do to change it?”
The answer to that question should NEVER be nothing.
You can always do something even if that something is telling an adult or another person that you know can help.
I’m an adult and I still struggle with this order so how in the world do I help my kids be different? Here is what I have so far:
When Bug comes to me to tell me what someone is doing my question to her should sound something like this:
Is it wrong?
Are they hurting someone else or themselves? (Physically or emotionally)
Are they being safe?
Of course we all know those. These are the things we do to figure out if a child is tattling or not. At least, as a teacher, it’s what I used. Sometimes it’s different language but it’s along the same lines. Anyway, moving on…
If she answers yes to ANY of the above my next response is vital to not raising a bystander. It is also where I am recognizing that I need to do this more and change my language. My first response should sound something like:
“I like that you came and told me, you’re doing something about it. Is it something that your words can stop or do you need an adult?”
(Sidenote: I have young kids, this obviously looks different with older kids. Although I think the order can stay the same, the language should definitely change. )
This is my plea to you. Help me raise a generation that refuse to be bystanders. Jesus was not a bystander. He was, in fact, the exact opposite. God has called us to do the same. Let’s start with ourselves and raise our kids to follow suit.
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