Lord, Give me the words.
I say this often. I even said this out loud before I began writing this entry. However, I use this phrase the most when speaking to and about my husband.
Joey and I are still fairly new at this marriage thing. We’ve had it pretty good for the most part. There is very much a love that runs deep despite both of our shortcomings. We have the Lord to thank for that.
Since moving to Arizona Joey and I have faced trials that I pray we never have to face again. We have been tested, we have been pushed, and we have been broken. Despite everything we have learned some incredibly valuable lessons and I am reminded often how worth it the fight really is.
The biggest lesson we have learned and have begun to cherish is what it means to guard your marriage and how that looks. I want to share a few in hopes that you’ll comment and share a few with me. After all, we’re still learning and all of these I share we have learned from very wise friends of ours.
There is wisdom in the discernment of whom you share your trials with. Joey and I share highs and lows pretty openly to those who are dear to us. However, there is something to be said about discerning who you share them with intimately. I mean the nitty-gritty details. The details that led to you there. The details only you and your spouse would know. During your trials, your marriage is delicate, it’s the most fragile. Sharing intimate details with the wrong people can cause more damage at an already fragile time. Not to discredit any of our loved ones, I have no doubt all of their hearts would be in the right place with our best interest at heart but there is wisdom in knowing who to share with and when to share it with them. In the same breath, during trials, sharing those details with the right people at the right time can truly save your marriage in a way you never thought possible.
Using wisdom to discern what to say and when to say something… anything to your spouse.I have learned the hard way that I need to hold my tongue more often than not in most situations. As much as we are taught words can’t hurt. They can. We can see that daily in our youth. Words can be damaging if said with the wrong words at the wrong time. However, They can also be incredibly uplifting and convicting if said the right way at the right time. You probably don’t think you have that much power in your marriage but you do. You really have that much power with anyone you talk to but I digress. It’s quite a power, one that I don’t want so I hand mine over to the Lord. He’s given me the right words and the right time, every time and I couldn’t be more thankful.
Know who you are and who your spouse is. I mean really know them. I know I am more emotional than most. I carry emotional burdens of others fairly often. If you have ever called me crying, chances are I got off the phone and bawled for you. My husband is an intellectual. Although he has emotions obviously, he doesn’t act with them. He pulls from his intellect first to make decisions. If you’ve ever met me, you know I do not. Ha! Knowing this about each other helps us understand decisions that are made quickly or reactions that happen from us. We still try to find a balance daily and use the above to help us navigate this huge difference in us. However, as much as a struggle this is it is also a huge blessing because we have been able to learn from each other and grow into stronger individuals. This is what amazes me about the world in general. The Lord has blessed each of us with various gifts and when we pause and seek out to learn about the other, we begin to see a balance that could not otherwise happen. I know this because I see it in my marriage.
Find Joy in each other. Guys, if i’m being honest, this seems like the easiest one but it quite possibly is the most difficult. After kids, finding joy in your spouse becomes some sort of chore. Before you accuse me of being a terrible wife, let me explain. Most days my husband and I are caught up with everyday things. Running the kids around, work, house chores, the list goes on and on. It’s so easy to look at your spouse and lose sight of the joy that once so easily came. Times goes on and your spouse becomes a reflection of a to-do list. How awful is that y’all? No one plans this. No one wants this and yet it happens… unless you make a conscious decision for it to not happen. This is why I am an avid supporter of unplanned or planned date nights, late night food comas, table meals, and walks. Anything that allows us to just be together with no interruptions. Enough time where we can get family logistic talk out-of-the-way with plenty of time to chat about each other.
I really could keep going on smaller things but these are the major ones that I have learned along the way. I am still getting it wrong and still learning so there is that. Thank God for grace.
Are there any you could add?
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