Last night our oldest pulled our heart strings. During prayer she wanted to ask the Lord to help her with her sadness when daddy has to leave. We tried to point out that he was here now and they were able to have all the fun. She immediately responded with “But he’s going to have to go again.” She’s not wrong. In fact it’s coming sooner than anyone in this family would like.
My husband works a job where he’s gone quite a bit. That job provides for our family and we are grateful but it doesn’t make the time away any easier. I know i’m not alone, not just in the military community but in a lot of families, sometimes their dad is gone a lot.
My kids have taught me that during this time, they are incredibly impressionable. I tend to believe that because their emotions are so high and extreme during this time, every little thing has an impression on them. I’m not expert, it’s just what I think. Not to mention my daughter is already trying to prepare her heart for it. ah!
This is why I don’t think it was a coincidence that this morning I was hit with conviction on how I honor my husband while he’s away. Do I even do that? Am I being purposeful in doing it? The answer to all of the questions I asked myself was either no or I could definitely do that better/more. The first and foremost question that needs to be addressed is this: Why is it important to honor your husband while he is away? I am a wife and can speak on my side. Maybe one day my husband can share his perspective!
By honoring your husband in their absence you show integrity and respect for your spouse, you’re showing your kids how to treat not only their father but you and those they are close to. You’re showing them how the people they choose to surround themselves with should treat them. Just because my husband leaves this house for work days, months at a time does not mean his presence, his convictions, the wise decisions he has made leaves too. However, the most important in my own life and walk; Biblically, you are showing them how to honor God.
It also keeps consistency in the home. It keeps his presence here. It gives security to kids who so desperately need it during this time. It lets them know, “Oh, mom doesn’t do this on her own even when daddy is gone. They are still a team.” Guys, right below being an example of Christ to my kids and loving the Lord is showing them how healthy relationships work. I feel so strongly about this because of my own past and the unhealthy patterns that happens to so many people so quickly. ah, I digress, that is for another post!
Now that I’ve answered why, it’s time for how. This guys is where my own convictions lie. As you are reading these know I’m praying over these in my own life. I am battling the guilt. I’m on my knees and asking the Lord for help.
The way you talk about your husband, especially in earshot of those little sponge- like ears. It’s no joke that the frustration builds, the hurt in your own heart that longs for the husband who can be present himself to discipline the kids or just help with the chores that you’ve done on your own. The longing for a hug from him. Guys, I get it, believe me, I get it. I am very thankful to have a husband who tries to do what he can while he’s away. I mean even getting on the phone and talking to his kid when I can’t even. The wisdom comes when you let the frustration out, is it directed toward your husband? Are you placing blame in him? You see Joey and I made his Job decision together. We chose this, together; To place blame on him is unfair and wrong. It definitely shouldn’t be something my kids hear. You are their safe place. If their safe place blames their dad, slowly but surely they will too. They will remember the way you talk about your husband. The way you talk about their dad in his absence will become the standard for their own lives when it comes to how they talk about their loved ones and how they expect to be spoken about.
Respecting his convictions and decisions for the family. Joey and I are a work in progress and we are constantly working on what our teamwork looks like. One thing is for sure, we made a decision long ago to support each other in front of the kids. We do not go against the other on a decision until the kids are asleep then we discuss it and change it later, together, if needed. There are rules that Joey has brought to me with wisdom. Ones that I have agreed with. Decisions that tend to slide while he’s gone whether because of shear tiredness, laziness, or guilt. For example, the TV remotes are off limits for our 1.5 year old. However, I have found that when he’s gone, if I see her with one, I’ll let it slide. Mostly, because I’m exhausted, I justify it by picking my battles. Really, correcting her probably wouldn’t cause a fit if I did it every time but because I’m inconsistent when he’s gone, it’s a fit. I made that bed. It’s my own diligence that needs to be checked. It’s my conviction. If i trust my husbands wisdom and discernment, than I need to respect the convictions he has for our kids. The same way, if not more, he does for me.
Which brings me to Diligence. My diligence needs to outweigh my laziness, my exhaustion. This is true in parenting in general but even more so when honoring my husband. It is my diligence that keeps things consistent. It is my BIGGEST struggle. Guys, seriously, pray for my diligence in parenting.
Talk about your husband. Honoring your husband while he’s away means that his presence in the home should be real, even to you. I don’t mean his absence. Focusing on his absence means focusing on all the things that he does that he can’t do right now. Focusing on his presence means honoring the wise choices and decisions he has made. It means talking about daddy regularly. I constantly tell the kids, “Daddy is going to be so excited, proud, etc” Even more so, on my heart is this sentence starter with the kids: “Your daddy and I….”
Yep, even while he’s gone y’all! Send me all the help, because I do not say that enough if ever while he’s away! Why not?! I do not become a single parent while he’s gone. Why don’t I act that way?
I have so many friends who read my blog in which their husbands are gone just as much, if not more, than my own. In what ways do you honor your husband while he’s gone?
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