“Can you please forgive me?” I tell my husband after a morning of waking up on the wrong side of the bed and not being the kindest person to him.
It’s a phrase I’ve said many a times to him. It’s also a phrase he has said many a times to me. It’s always followed by a, “Yes I forgive you, I love you.” With a warm hug to bring it all back together.
I’ve lost count of how many times we’ve forgiven each other because that’s not what forgiveness means. It’s not something I give my husband a hundred times. It something I give to him one time, forever. In fact, you could even say seventy- seven times over.
I don’t ask my husband for forgiveness because I need his forgiveness, he’s already given that to me. I know that. I ask him because our relationship needs to be brought back together. It needs to be postured correctly. Does that sound familiar? If it doesn’t, reflect back on what sin has done to us and God. Fill in the blank.
When we go to our father to ask for forgiveness it is not because he hasn’t forgiven us. It’s because we have to posture our hearts to him in humility and purity so that relationship can grow. That feels plain and simple to me. It feels plain and simple in my marriage and personal relationships.
And then something unforgivable happens. It stops us dead in our forgiving tracks.
A friend betrays our trust. A coworker puts their name on our work. Our spouse betrays our trust. A loved one speaks terrible things to us. Or much worse. much much worse. Go ahead and think of the one thing you have said you could never forgive if it were done to you. Think of that and keep reading.
The thought of forgiving someone seems distant doesn’t it? It seems impossible. It seems unthinkable.
This week a lot of people, me included, will be gathering with family around a table, posturing our hearts with thanksgiving.
Then why forgiveness? It’s because if we’re honest with ourselves a lot of us will be going into this holiday with a lot of anger, hurt, or resentment. We’ll be thinking of the political argument we had with our cousin a few months ago. Where she said awful things. We’ll be remembering what aunt Lucy said to our kid last year. The list goes on. It causes our hearts to dread the gathering. It begins to cover our hearts even though we’ve repeated the things we are thankful for at least a dozen times today. We may have even written them down. Instead, we end up fostering a heart that fights gratefulness and forgiveness. Fights the very heart we are trying to aim for.
I’ve had a lot of hurt in my lifetime. Things both done to me and from me that the world would stand back, judge and say “Thats unforgivable.”
Yet, when I put them at the feet of my father, he said, “Oh I love you sweet daughter. Now stand up into your identity because you are worthy. You are forgiven.” NO MATTER WHAT IVE DONE.
You see somehow we have this idea that there are things that can be done to us that are unforgivable. Where did that come from? Not from my father, thats for sure. My father doesn’t look at my sin and say, “No thats too far. thats unforgivable.” Yet, here we are believing we have the right do just that to His children.
So no, this holiday season I’m not letting us get away with that. I’m not going to let us sit back and think that we have the right to house unforgiveness in our hearts because we were terribly wronged.
Now before you jump all over me. I understand boundaries. I understand that there are things that happen where God leads you out of that relationship.
You need to understand I am talking about forgiveness that is exampled by our Father. Which means we need to be in relationship with Him so we can discern what our actions need to look like through forgiveness. It is through that discernment that we know the boundaries, if any, that need to be put down.
But Annalisa, what about when they refuse to acknowledge their wrong doing?
You forgive them. God did not need us to acknowledge our sin to send Jesus. He did not need us to acknowledge our wrong doing to give us ultimate forgiveness. However, it is our job, once realized, to acknowledge and give it to Him so we can grow that relationship. So that we can grow in relationship with our father. Sound familiar y’all?
It is our job to forgive. If someone chooses not to acknowledge their wrong doing, it doesn’t change your forgiveness. It might change your relationship. God might lead you to distance. But do not get it twisted, just because God leads us to distance does not mean that we can hold onto our anger. Hold onto the resentment. It means when the anger or resentment tries to creep in… we simply whisper,
“I chose to forgive and I will continue to choose that forever. Thank You Lord that you do the same for me. “
So this holiday season, sit down and weed out the anger, resentment, hurt that you still house towards someone. This week would be a good time as we enter into the advent season next week. Give it to your father and choose forgiveness forever. And when the emotions try to creep in again remind yourself that you chose to walk in forgiveness and thank your father for being the example.
I’ve grown up hearing, “There is no hierarchy of sin.” and I’d like to add, “There is no hierarchy to what can be forgiven.”
“Then Peter came up and said to him, “Lord, how often will my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? As many as seven times?” Jesus said to him, “I do not say to you seven times, but seventy-seven times over.”
Matthew 18:21-22 ESV
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