I’ve dealt with my fair share of disappointment. I’ve been disappointed in myself, in others, and in circumstances. While I was running yesterday those feelings came back as tears filled my eyes. I had to stop running due to knee pain and it seems so small and so ridiculous but it was so disappointing. It’s my thing with God. It’s a time that I cherish, time that I’d have to give up for at least a week or two so I can rest. All the plans I had for my immediate running goals were done.
In the past its been being passed up for a leadership position, being let down by friends and family, but mostly it’s been myself. I’ve been disappointed in myself for some reason or another.
Disappointment is a part of our nature after the fall. It isn’t fun and it isn’t always avoidable when we live in a broken world. What I’m about to get into next is probably not what you’re going to want to read. It’s probably not what I would want to read in the middle of disappointment. The truth is, it’s what I believe to be true biblically and what I believe living the gospel looks like, so here we go.
Disappointment does not have to be a part of our nature. It does not have to be something we give into or allow to control our behavior. In fact, disappointment can be a very clear sign of an idol in our life. It can be a direct reflection of where our hope, joy, love, and rest lies.
When we moved from our comfortable community in Germany back to the states it hit me so hard. I didn’t understand why I wasn’t meshing as well as I had with our community back in Germany. I didn’t understand why I was closing myself off more than I ever had. The deeper I got into that the more the red flags popped up. I was so disappointed that things weren’t the same that I completely missed the blessings and joy God had for us in the new. It came down to me finding my joy in our community instead of my Father. He calls us to community, yes. Just not before Him. He is my joy. My treasure. Everything else is a gift flowing from Him. As soon as I repented and asked the Lord to realign my joy and rest, I finally saw the beautiful new He had for us here in the new neighborhood, new community, and new environment. We’ve made new and cherished friends since then because God is good and sovereign in every move. I digress.
My point to that is that my disappointment was a clear sign that my heart was in the wrong place. There was something going on in me that I had to allow the Lord to fix. Maybe you were passed up on a job. Maybe a family member really let you down. Maybe you didn’t meet a goal you had for yourself. Maybe your marriage let you down, your parenting, your friendships. It’s all to real for the sadness to come in. The disappointment.
We can feel those emotions and I don’t believe we should shy away from them. In fact I think we should be open in the secret place about them. God already knows those feelings you have so why not just be open and free with Him. He’ll take them and replace them with His truth. His truth that you were made for more. That His goodness is working. That His sovereignty still reigns in the midst of these emotions. When we respond to our initial disappointment with the above, we no longer suffer in our pain. We no longer are crippled by our own emotions.
I wish I could tell you that it’s always been my initial response. The taking my disappointment to the secret place but the truth is I’ve been known to sit in my emotions and allow idols to build, resentment to grow. Where we allow disappointment to live in us it will absolutely feed the seed of resentment. It takes a very real and raw relationship with our Father to break that.
One that our Father is already all in for. He let us know that on the cross. What if instead of allowing ourselves to feed into our disappointment we made a habit of pouring it out to God? We honor Him when we go to Him first. We honor Him when we give Him the darkest parts of ourselves and allow him to change it.
***This tough lesson on disappointment is actually one I learned from the wonderful example of my Husband. Join me in my facebook group as I share that experience and talk through this topic on a much deeper level. This week is going to be good y’all.
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