We Knew His Name

Six years ago, as I sat in the secret place, our Father whispered to me:

You will have a son and you will name him Enoch.

That was that. Nothing else was said. I was left with going to the bible and looking for Enoch. I found him in Genesis.

“Enoch walked with God, and he was not, for God took Him.” Genesis 5: 24

Over the next six years we would think often about this moment, find Enoch again in the book of Jude. We would come to know that his name meant dedicated. We would come to know our son would be wonderful. He would be dedicated to God and we would get to be his parents. I would go on to share this with our close friends and family. That the Lord was going to give us a son and for some reason, He saw fit to give us his name.

When I got pregnant with our son, before we knew he was a he, I sat in prayer one night over his name. I sat and I asked the Lord to confirm that what I had heard six years ago was actually from our Father and not just my flesh. I asked Him to confirm his name, to reveal it to both Joey and I. I didn’t want any of my own bias in this but somewhere inside me I felt this was our son. The next night at church, I began chatting with a friend about the pregnancy. She asked if we had any names picked out. I didn’t want to go into the story of Enoch, I had just been praying about it and was set on not sharing anymore until there was confirmation.

So instead, I told her no, and that was the end of that. As she was walking away, she paused and said, “You know, if it’s a boy, I think Enoch is beautiful name.”

My eyes widened as I turned and asked again what she had said. I needed to make sure I heard her correctly. She repeated and I’m pretty sure my mouth dropped to the floor. I had never heard the name Enoch but maybe once before. Everyone I had shared his name with before this moment, had also never heard his name before. My point being it wasn’t a common name to hear.

I shared it with Joey and his face got real serious as he said, “That’s it. Our sons name is Enoch.”

A week later, an ultrasound would confirm that it was in fact our son that I was carrying. It was our Enoch.

In the past six years, I’ve gone back and forth asking our Father why he would tell us about our son and not about our daughters. I never understood, I understand now. We were never going to have our son on this side of heaven. In God’s great grace He gave us a glimpse of our son long before we carried him. In His great grace he confirmed it immediately so we could call him by name. With our girls, we were never for sure about a name until birth, to the point our second daughters name was given to her right before I went into the OR for my c-section.

Though not here on the earth, we have known our son for six years. We called him by name when he was in my belly. We prayed over him for six months, and the later months, by name. In Gods great grace.

I share this because it is our sons story. It is one that encourages me something fierce. Our Father sees beyond our scope of time, beyond what we can fathom. He sees our family beginning, middle and end within a second. For a heart that holds fast to eternity, this is comforting. It will seem like a lifetime before we see Enoch, but for him, it’s only an instant.

God chose to reveal to our family His transcendent self through the story of our son. I will be forever grateful for that.

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In the midst of all this, one question lingers in my heart for our Father: How can I honor our son as well as what you’ve done and continue to do for us Lord?

We’ve shared quite a bit about the process in finding out to the hospital room but we’re on the other side now. And the other side looks different. It looks like my milk coming in with no baby in sight. It looks like daddy going back to work after little to no sleep. It looks like not being able to walk into a store without crying. It looks like sleepless nights. It looks like healing from giving birth, every pain serving as a reminder of that day. It looks like forgetting things all the time because your mind is just a bit foggy sometimes. It looks like crying in the middle of the afternoon.

BUT

It also looks like pure laughter with your family. It looks like warm conversations with those you love. It looks like meals coming in daily to help you. It looks like your family driving hours to get to you as soon as possible. It looks like snuggles on the bed. It looks like reading a book to your other babies. It looks like extra intimacy with God because thats where you feel most at peace. It looks like a lot of grace being poured out to one another in our home. It looks like a 4 year old dancing in the living room. It looks like pure joy when the toddler says Enoch’s name.

It looks like so much all in one dear friends. How thankful I am to be able to hand the hard stuff over to a Father who can handle them and be able to enjoy the gifts He sends.

I think often about how this has and will continue to change me. In fact, this has been the center of my biggest prayer in the days after giving birth.

“Lord, let me lead with more gentleness and compassion today than yesterday. Let this hurt be used for your glory and let it make me a better daughter, mother, wife, sister and friend.”

All of that to say, there are a lot of ways we are choosing to honor our son in heaven but this one is the one I hold onto the tightest: May my life as a wife, as a daughter, as a mother, as a sister and as a friend, honor our beloved Enoch in the heavens. May Jesus whisper in Enoch’s ear how much more I love our Father with each passing day. May our Father look down on me and say, “This is my daughter with whom I am well pleased.”

Because living a life with a heart that pleases my Father in heaven, the one who holds our Enoch, is the best way I know how to honor our son.

Sweet Enoch, we love you always and forever. May you dance with the ones that have gone before you and may your heavenly joy reach to the hearts who have yet to join you.