It was 3 am by the time I laid back down to try and sleep. I had been up all night in tears, asking the Lord all the why, all the how questions. Listening to his voice and reading His word in comfort. Hours later, I finally felt like I could sleep without crying.
In the past, before I lost our son, every-time I was up by myself in the dark of night, I’d turn to the word of God, prayer or worship. It was a practice I was familiar with and practically muscle memory for me when my eyes opened in the wee hours. He prepares.
My alarm clock goes off at 6am every morning. Sometimes I roll out of bed a few minutes later, but once I do, soaking music is on, coffee is on, and I’m drawing near to my Father. Aiming to just be with Him before the girls are out of bed at 7. Missing my alarm and turning it off has become an exception. Early in my pregnancy, I paused this hour. I was too sick to be able to wake up and focus on anything but my own sickness. My intimacy time looked like worshipping during chores. Reading while littles ran around me feet. But a few months before we lost Enoch, I felt Holy Spirit calling me back to my morning times. I reluctantly obeyed. My sickness had died down and I was back at meeting my Father first thing. Such a fruitful time.
The days after we lost Enoch, like muscle memory, I was up. My body, my mind, my heart knew. I didn’t have to think about any movement or motion because it was all so familiar. Getting to the place with my Father was so easy because everything around it was so familiar. I remember one morning sitting on my couch, thanking the Lord for this practice He placed in my life. For this desire to be with Him first thing in the morning. I thanked Him for placing that desire in me again months before. He prepares.
I can count on one hand how many times in the past year we’ve missed a sabbath together. We had never been this consistent with our day of rest, a practice that we learn from our Father. After we lost Enoch, I longed for our Sabbath meal and rest day. A reminder of the kingdom where our son lives. Doing it when we were in such sorrow was such an instilled rhythm we didn’t think twice. It brought comfort and reminders of who our Father is. So much joy was felt during the sorrow because of the Sabbath. He prepares.
It is those things that are in muscle memory, the things that our hearts, minds, and bodies are used to that we will turn to when our hearts are under duress. I know the days are hard. I know you’re busy. I know you’re tired. But it is not your work that will be up with you at 3am. Social Media will not be the one to remind you that it’s not your fault when you’re believing ridiculous lies. A streaming service will not be the thing that gives you a holy rest when your heart is tired. It will be at the feet of your Father. The very feet that walk when you need rest. It will be His holy words that bring comfort at 3am. It will be His holy truths you will need when the lies pour in. It will be His rest that reminds you what you live your life out for.
So you may be feeling the nudge of the Holy Spirit to wake up earlier, you may be longing to incorporate worship into your daily chores. Your heart may be wanting to spend time praying while you rock your babies. Maybe right now you’re desiring to meet God while folding laundry or maybe driving to and from work. Whatever it is, small or big, grab it and hold it for a bit while you keep reading.
Whatever your holding from the Holy Spirit, whatever He is stirring up in you as a desire, ask the Lord to bless it. To bless the desire to meet Him more in whatever it is. To draw nearer to Him. Know that it is not by our own strength that we wake up with our alarm after a sleepless night. It is not by our hand that we can worship with our kids around the table or in the car. It is His strength that I ask for and allow to move in me. It is His hands that move my heart to a place of worship.
Being obedient to the holy desire to be near to Him in any way becomes our muscle memory. In the big joyful moments, you’ll turn to the practices God placed in you, where you have met Him at before. In the tough seasons, you’ll already know your Father is there because He’s been there with you already. The lies will be lies and the truth will truth.
Create rhythm in your day, in your moments, to foster the presence of God. Saturate your days with Him now. Practically, I know it’s hard sometimes but friend, it’s worth it. It’s worth it to not think twice about where your approval or comfort comes from when the enemy tries to come in. It’s worth it to know our Fathers heart. Our Father is worth it. He’s worth it.
We can be obedient when our Father is bringing order back to our chaos friends, we can do it.
I’ll meet you at the feet of our Father cherished ones.
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